People To Avoid If Possible
I stumbled upon an online article where this dude listed out and described the five types of women you shouldn’t date. There were a few people upset at the sexism. While, not upset, I did think to myself, “Types are universal, wouldn’t you want to warn people away from the crazies regardless of gender?”
So, I’ve taken it upon myself to not only list and describe but also give you a tip on how to deal with each type. (Because I’m soooooo good with people, that makes me an expert, right?)
The Topper
This is the person who always has to one-up others. If you say, “I met George Clooney today.”, this person’s response would be “I hung out with all of the Ocean’s Eleven cast and they bought me drinks all night.” It doesn’t seem to matter what the subject is, the Topper has to declare superiority.
How to deal with the Topper
There’s no changing this type so just play with them for your own amusement. Start to make things up and gradually make the stories more and more outrageous. Watch them struggle to respond. “My cousin just discovered a cure for cancer.” “Well, um, my brother-in-law built his own moon rocket. By hand!”
The Victim of Circumstance
This person has a perpetual series of unfortunate events in his life, seemingly all from bad luck. His car breaks down, his dog dies, his employer makes everyone take a pay cut and his Mom is in the hospital. And, that’s just the first week of the month. Any conversation with this person is an instant depressant and makes you feel guilty if you’re excited about something fantastic happening in your life.
How to deal with the Victim of Circumstance
Sympathize briefly then change the subject to something neutral. “How about them DiamondBacks?” Any further talk about them will just bring you down.
The Liar
This person just can’t tell the truth, no matter the circumstance. “Where were you last night?” “Oh, John called me so I went over to help him work on his car.” The Liar might have just been home watching TV, though, and the lie was unnecessary. What the Liar doesn’t realize is that people quickly learn to distrust all statements and then verify. “Hey, John, how’s your car?” “Huh? It’s fine, why do you ask?” Although, the really skilled Liars somehow obligate their friends into covering for them.
How to deal with the Liar
Run away. No good can come of associating with this person.
The Know It All
This person usually is smart and does know a lot. Just not all. Because she can apply her knowledge to most issues, she formulates opinions that come across as absolute truths. “I wonder how much rain Costa Rica gets?” (Knowing that Costa Rica is tropical and probably gets a lot of rain) the Know It All will declare, “80 inches a year.” “Are you a meteorologist?” “No.” “Have you been there?” “No.” “Hmmm.” The key to the Know It All’s power is that she makes the statement as emphatic as possible. That confidence will overcome any doubt of the audience.
How to deal with the Know It All
Google.
The Innocent
Slightly different than the Victim of Circumstance, the Innocent never does anything wrong, is morally superior (just ask him) and is taken advantage of because of his good heart. His ex was mean to him, his Dad withheld affection, his kids are ungrateful and his co-workers try to take credit for his work. No matter the situation, he is blameless. The Innocent likes to tell everyone about how he’s taken advantage of and likes nothing more than getting sympathy.
How to deal with the Innocent
Take every statement with a grain of salt and change the subject when the sad stories start. If you try to provide counterpoint to his stories, you’re branded as just being yet another person who is mean to him.
The Salesperson
The Salesperson, also known as the Schmoozer, tries to sell you on herself. She’s skilled at chit-chat, making herself seem agreeable and friendly and never shows herself in a negative manner. This person doesn’t develop close relationships because she often portrays a false persona in order to be liked so no one really gets to know her.
How to deal with the Salesperson
Smile, nod and enjoy the conversation then move on to someone with substance for friendship and support. Above all, don’t buy what she’s selling.
The Negative Nellie
The Negative Nellie, also known as the Eeyore, finds the worst in everything. If he gets a bonus at work, he’ll complain about how much taxes he has to pay on it. Everyone’s motives are suspect, every situation is expected to turn out poorly and there’s no silver lining in any cloud for the Negative Nellie.
How to deal with the Negative Nellie
You can’t jolly this person up so don’t try. But, if you’re in a crabby mood and just want to bitch, hang out with the Negative Nellie. He’ll always agree with you about whatever you think sucks.
The Self Absorbed
You can talk with the Self Absorbed for an hour and learn about his job, his family, his last vacation, his favorite song, etc. but then you’ll realize that he never asked you anything about yourself. Or, gave you much time to even speak except to ooh and ahh over him.
How to deal with the Self Absorbed
Wait for a pause in his monologue then excuse yourself to get another drink.
The Wit
The Wit consistently tries to be clever and is often sarcastic. No matter the tone or significance of the conversation, he’ll have a smart ass statement that often hurts someone’s feelings. He’s not deterred by people giving him a “WTF?” look after his statements, either.
How to deal with the Wit
It’s fun to outwit the Wit but it can make him surly so proceed with caution. He doesn’t like to be made fun of. Don’t bother trying to explain to him if he’s offended someone. His response will fall along the lines of “They’re too sensitive.” or “I didn’t mean it that way.”
The TMI
The TMI over shares. A lot. This is the person whom you’ve just met who proceeds to tell you about her impending surgery, financial situation and sexual habits. Often, she’ll make you over share because you feel obligated to reciprocate in some fashion. She’ll also corner you so you’re trapped listening.
How to deal with the TMI
Make sure you have a full cocktail so you can at least drink while you’re listening. If you’re lucky the alcohol will kill the short term memory brain cells that’s holding her stories.
We all have aspects of some of these types but the people to really avoid are the ones who exhibit strong tendencies of more than one type. I hope you found this informative. I found it therapeutic to write.
So, I’ve taken it upon myself to not only list and describe but also give you a tip on how to deal with each type. (Because I’m soooooo good with people, that makes me an expert, right?)
The Topper
This is the person who always has to one-up others. If you say, “I met George Clooney today.”, this person’s response would be “I hung out with all of the Ocean’s Eleven cast and they bought me drinks all night.” It doesn’t seem to matter what the subject is, the Topper has to declare superiority.
How to deal with the Topper
There’s no changing this type so just play with them for your own amusement. Start to make things up and gradually make the stories more and more outrageous. Watch them struggle to respond. “My cousin just discovered a cure for cancer.” “Well, um, my brother-in-law built his own moon rocket. By hand!”
The Victim of Circumstance
This person has a perpetual series of unfortunate events in his life, seemingly all from bad luck. His car breaks down, his dog dies, his employer makes everyone take a pay cut and his Mom is in the hospital. And, that’s just the first week of the month. Any conversation with this person is an instant depressant and makes you feel guilty if you’re excited about something fantastic happening in your life.
How to deal with the Victim of Circumstance
Sympathize briefly then change the subject to something neutral. “How about them DiamondBacks?” Any further talk about them will just bring you down.
The Liar
This person just can’t tell the truth, no matter the circumstance. “Where were you last night?” “Oh, John called me so I went over to help him work on his car.” The Liar might have just been home watching TV, though, and the lie was unnecessary. What the Liar doesn’t realize is that people quickly learn to distrust all statements and then verify. “Hey, John, how’s your car?” “Huh? It’s fine, why do you ask?” Although, the really skilled Liars somehow obligate their friends into covering for them.
How to deal with the Liar
Run away. No good can come of associating with this person.
The Know It All
This person usually is smart and does know a lot. Just not all. Because she can apply her knowledge to most issues, she formulates opinions that come across as absolute truths. “I wonder how much rain Costa Rica gets?” (Knowing that Costa Rica is tropical and probably gets a lot of rain) the Know It All will declare, “80 inches a year.” “Are you a meteorologist?” “No.” “Have you been there?” “No.” “Hmmm.” The key to the Know It All’s power is that she makes the statement as emphatic as possible. That confidence will overcome any doubt of the audience.
How to deal with the Know It All
Google.
The Innocent
Slightly different than the Victim of Circumstance, the Innocent never does anything wrong, is morally superior (just ask him) and is taken advantage of because of his good heart. His ex was mean to him, his Dad withheld affection, his kids are ungrateful and his co-workers try to take credit for his work. No matter the situation, he is blameless. The Innocent likes to tell everyone about how he’s taken advantage of and likes nothing more than getting sympathy.
How to deal with the Innocent
Take every statement with a grain of salt and change the subject when the sad stories start. If you try to provide counterpoint to his stories, you’re branded as just being yet another person who is mean to him.
The Salesperson
The Salesperson, also known as the Schmoozer, tries to sell you on herself. She’s skilled at chit-chat, making herself seem agreeable and friendly and never shows herself in a negative manner. This person doesn’t develop close relationships because she often portrays a false persona in order to be liked so no one really gets to know her.
How to deal with the Salesperson
Smile, nod and enjoy the conversation then move on to someone with substance for friendship and support. Above all, don’t buy what she’s selling.
The Negative Nellie
The Negative Nellie, also known as the Eeyore, finds the worst in everything. If he gets a bonus at work, he’ll complain about how much taxes he has to pay on it. Everyone’s motives are suspect, every situation is expected to turn out poorly and there’s no silver lining in any cloud for the Negative Nellie.
How to deal with the Negative Nellie
You can’t jolly this person up so don’t try. But, if you’re in a crabby mood and just want to bitch, hang out with the Negative Nellie. He’ll always agree with you about whatever you think sucks.
The Self Absorbed
You can talk with the Self Absorbed for an hour and learn about his job, his family, his last vacation, his favorite song, etc. but then you’ll realize that he never asked you anything about yourself. Or, gave you much time to even speak except to ooh and ahh over him.
How to deal with the Self Absorbed
Wait for a pause in his monologue then excuse yourself to get another drink.
The Wit
The Wit consistently tries to be clever and is often sarcastic. No matter the tone or significance of the conversation, he’ll have a smart ass statement that often hurts someone’s feelings. He’s not deterred by people giving him a “WTF?” look after his statements, either.
How to deal with the Wit
It’s fun to outwit the Wit but it can make him surly so proceed with caution. He doesn’t like to be made fun of. Don’t bother trying to explain to him if he’s offended someone. His response will fall along the lines of “They’re too sensitive.” or “I didn’t mean it that way.”
The TMI
The TMI over shares. A lot. This is the person whom you’ve just met who proceeds to tell you about her impending surgery, financial situation and sexual habits. Often, she’ll make you over share because you feel obligated to reciprocate in some fashion. She’ll also corner you so you’re trapped listening.
How to deal with the TMI
Make sure you have a full cocktail so you can at least drink while you’re listening. If you’re lucky the alcohol will kill the short term memory brain cells that’s holding her stories.
We all have aspects of some of these types but the people to really avoid are the ones who exhibit strong tendencies of more than one type. I hope you found this informative. I found it therapeutic to write.
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