Down 50

I've been overweight since birth. No lie, I was a 9 pound plus baby. I've dealt with the discomfort, the mocking, the health hazards, the lack of cool clothing and the cringing at pictures my entire life.

About 20 years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight on what I call the "depression" diet. I got treated very poorly (not that I was perfect) and my heart broken and I just couldn't find it in myself to eat. I'd heat up a Healthy Choice dinner and barely put down half of it. I didn't even want to drink alcohol. Those were the days!

However, I found the will and desire for food and drink on the road to recovery. As the years went by I fell into a pattern of gaining ten pounds each year for several years then diet down part of it (never all) then go back to gaining again. Eventually, I hit my peak high weight and settled in. For several years, I lost and gained about the same 8-10 pounds but the key to that story is that I always gained them back.

In Weight Watchers (more on that later) they talk about finding your "Why". The Whys are your reason for wanting to lose weight. They have to be pretty powerful for many people to actually do the work and, in February of 2017, my Whys finally translated into action.

My Whys:

• I was tired of being tired. We'd go on trips and I'd get pooped from several days of walking. Like, literally, getting jelly legs and not being able to step up into a shuttle van without pulling myself up and having to take naps for recovery.
• Having to buy bigger clothes and seeing all of the other clothes taking up space in my closet that no longer fit was depressing.
• Moving from being embarrassed at needing the occasional airplane belt extender to acceptance that it was a fact of life made me more ashamed than the shame of having to ask for it, if that makes sense.
• The shock of seeing pictures and thinking "Am I that big?" on a consistent basis made me realize I wasn't aware of the "real" me.
• The main "Why", however, was my Mom. Seeing her so weak at the end was heartbreaking and eyeopening. Even though she'd lost a lot of weight with a gastric bypass a few years ago, she had gained some of it back but didn't build up any strength to support it. She couldn't get up without pulling herself or being pulled by someone else. Even stepping up on a curb was difficult. And, she couldn't walk very far or very fast. All this was status quo even before she was ill. I saw myself being that exact same way in the future and I didn't want it.

I was definitely in "shape". Round is a shape and not a healthy one.

So, on February 20, 2017 I signed back in to my Livestrong My Plate account and started tracking my caloric intake. They are all about calories and give you a daily limit based on your current weight and your goals. They also have a nice chart that shows your breakdown between fat, protein and carbs which was a nice reminder on having a balanced diet.

I was a dedicated tracker for the first few months and lost about 15 pounds then an intermittent but still fairly consistent tracker while losing another 5 pounds. But, I didn't feel like it was the best plan because it treated all calories the same. For example, a Miller Lite was the same as a medium apple. 

I jumped ship when we started a Weight Watchers at Work program in August. It wasn't my first rodeo with WW so a lot of it felt familiar. Some foods were 0 points while most had assigned values and you could eat up to your daily goal but also had some weekly points to use when or if you wanted to. You could also "earn" points by exercise.

The best things about our program? First, the App. I'm on my phone dozens a times a day so it felt completely natural to track things as I consumed them. Second, having a Leader. Not only was it helpful to have someone to give tips and explanations but I needed the accountability of stepping on that scale each week in front of an "Authority" figure. Finally, since it was at work, I knew most of the people so it was comfortable and super supportive.

I don't remember when I decided to make my initial goal a 50 pound loss but that was what I've been aiming for but without a deadline. When the fall holidays came around, I gave myself minus 45 for January and minus 50 by March goals. Fifty pounds in a year seemed awesome to me. And, unfathomable. Yet, a long time as I'd see other people in my life drop weight faster so I had to keep reminding myself that even a small loss or maintenance in a week was better than a gain.

Weighing in this Wednesday, I hit it! 50.2 pounds lost to date. I've waited a few days to see if that settles and the scale continues to go in the right direction so I finally free feel to celebrate it.

I've now set my next goal for another 20% of my current weight. However, I need to figure out a deadline for that while factoring in a lot of travel and vacation time over the next few months.

The loss wasn't all due to just eating less. Here's what I've also done:

• I cook fresh meals more than I ever have. Not only food at home but I'm pretty successful at packing a healthy lunch instead of going out during the work week.
• Made fast food almost non-existent in my life.
• Choose from a few standard, healthier items at the restaurants I still go to during the week. I can't remember the last time I had a Chimichanga at Manuel's but I'm quite happy with their Chicken Taco Salad.
• Cut back significantly on alcohol and candy (WW makes sugar super expensive).
• Incorporated consistent exercise.
• Modified my other activities to avoid high food/drink events. I didn't give up on the latter completely but I know myself enough to know that I can't drink water and eat a salad when I'm at a beer and pizza joint. Just not within me to be that disciplined.

WW teaches you to not focus just on the number on the scale. They also preach the value of celebrating Non-Scale Victories (NSV). I've had a lot of them like participating in a 5K race and moving from "Morbidly Obese" to just "Obese" (can't wait to get to "Overweight"!) but clothes have become a big deal. I'm thrilled when I have to go buy something smaller! And, I bought a pair of jeans from Costco and they fit!

The jeans I was wearing when I started and the ones I bought after I couldn't stand the bagginess anymore.
It was at about the 30-35 pound loss point.

The same "smaller" jeans from the first picture to my current size.

Some things I've noted on my journey so far:

• As heavy as I was, it took that initial 20 pound loss before people started noticing. The comments really started coming after I downsized my clothes and things fit better.
• Cankles can be conquered! I bought two pairs of ankle boots online around Christmas of 2016. I couldn't zip them so they sat in my closet. Not only can I zip them now, one pair requires thicker socks or I slip around in them. NSV!
• My blood pressure hasn't dropped and that bums me out. I still have to take meds to keep it in the safe range. Hopefully, by my next goal I won't have to anymore.
• My friends have been very supportive even when I don't go out with them as much as I used to. I have great friends but I already knew that.
• People used to tell me I looked young for my age. My response was that "Fat plumps out the wrinkles". It was true. I feel like my appearance is rapidly matching my chronology. Bummer. Of course, if I hadn't plumped out the skin with all that fat in the first place I might still look young but, alas, coulda, shoulda, woulda...

Dang, that's a lot of wrinkly flesh.
And, you don't want to see my old lady waddle arms.

Actually hard to see the change from my perspective.
(Also, a visual of my old lady waddle arms. Sorry.)

I took the above picture wearing the same shirt I had on in the group photo above. As I looked at it on my phone, I thought, "Dang, there's hardly a difference." I thought that despite knowing that I'm down several sizes so there is an actual difference. Funny how the mind works.

I still have a big task ahead of me. Not only to lose the further weight but also to maintain my new habits. I have a very strong support system for which I am grateful. Even though I don't want to go back to Spin class, I probably will because my friend will make me. ;)

Cheers to making changes! If I can do it, anyone can.