Exercise Isn't Really My Jam, Can You Dig Me?

We have a small gym at our office. I often walk through on my way from the parking lot to meetings in that building. It looks nice.

We also have a big room dedicated to things like Zumba and Yoga and, well, I don't know what else because there's literally no reason for me to go there.

Although, I do actually know one other thing they do in the big room and that's hold Spin Classes. I know because my friend Michelle leads some of them and has been trying to get me to take one with her. When her direct efforts weren't paying off, she got my friend Steve to start suggesting it. 

Have to give it to them, they tried with lots of enticements. "It's fun!" "It's dark so no one can see if you need to take a rest." "It won't be bad, I swear!" "You can do it with us and your other friends; it will just be a little party." "It's in the afternoon so you can go home right afterwards so no one will see you."

Whatevs.

Steve's last attempt for the year was to forward me an email announcing that two of the December classes would feature holiday music with a message of "Imagine riding a bike while Christmas tunes play. Sounds fun! Sign up!"

Um, no, it doesn't sound fun at all. Even though I do love holiday music.

But, I did contemplate going if for no other reason than to be able to tell Michelle it was her Christmas present. Oh, and also to tell them to get off my back if I tried it and hated it.

Committed to the surprise, I needed to find someone to sign up under their name so I would be sure to get one of the limited number of bikes. Apparently, there's often a sell out. I can't even imagine. 

I first tried my friend Maria but she was already signed up to go herself. She suggested Lucy as someone who sometimes goes so her name on the list wouldn't be suspicious. Lucy was all for it and the got Courtney to sign up for her. It was a tangled web we were weaving.

The sign over the door should read
"Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here".

I got there early and changed into my workout clothes. Michelle walked in a few minutes later, saw me, then dropped everything she was holding in surprise. That may seem overly dramatic but I think it was a warranted reaction.

Be kind, my steed!

Michelle helped me set up the bike (including a padded seat cover for my delicate tushie) and showed me how to adjust the tension while Maria adjusted her bike. She and Michelle were in super cool looking workout outfits. I was in a tee shirt, a terry skort and my Sketchers. Oh, well. I wasn't there for a fashion show.

OK, let's do this!

Lucy (though we thought it was supposed to be Courtney) didn't show and Michelle got the show on the road as it were. Music queued up, we started to spin with a gentle warm up. Then it was a bunch of "Make it harder", "Release tension and cool down", "Go up the hill!", "Can you feel it?", etc. There were also intervals where we were supposed to stand while spinning. Maria and Michelle did it quite gracefully. I dead stopped on pedaling before standing then almost immediately sat down again because I was afraid I was going to tip over.

How did I know they were doing it all so gracefully? Well, that part about it being so dark that no one can see you was bullshit. You could totally see. Good thing I was with my pals so no one else saw how challenged I was.

I do have to give it to Michelle that the musical selection was quite good.

I survived!

The 30 minutes did go by pretty quickly. I was not sweating as much as my companions because I didn't work as hard but my legs were still jelly. We cooled down while cleaning off the bikes but my legs were even jellier (that's a word, autocorrect, don't try to tell me it's not) by the time I had to go down the stairs which is already a dicey task for me.

And, when I got out of my car after driving home they were even worse. I was worried that if I sat down I wasn't getting up again. I did all the critical tasks for the evening (changed the litter box, got the mail, emptied and loaded the dishwasher) before plopping down for the evening. My friends suggested water and protein so I drank both, the latter in a protein drink.

Oh, and you know how they tell you that exercise in the early evening and avoiding caffeine and alcohol will give you a great night's sleep? More bullshit. I tossed, turned and had crazy, delirious dreams. Clearly, exercise is upsetting to my system.

I felt OK the next morning except for my thighs which were still sore. I assumed that meant the exercise was working but, when I stepped on the scale, I hadn't lost five pounds so clearly it did nothing. Ripoff.

Of course, they're on me to come back and perhaps make attendance a New Year's resolution. I told them my resolution was to keep Michelle guessing whether I might return at any random moment.

Besides, I can't go back until I have a better outfit. I guess I was there for a fashion show after all.