Shifty Iowans

Our club mascot, Phred Parrott, is no longer allowed to be in the state of Iowa nor in the vicinity of any Iowans. We might have to enforce a 100 yard distance rule.

In case you've forgotten, there's this history.

And, now we have a new story.

Thom, Crash, Phred and I headed to Iowa to celebrate our friend Dawnie's 40th Birthday. I posted a check in at a rest area we stopped at and included Phred. Our friend Jason commented, "You brought Phred Parrott?" I replied, "I did and he better make it home with me!" Jason's reply was, "Challenge Accepted."

Perhaps we should have left Phred home on Saturday when we went to the actual party which was held at the local VFW but everyone wanted to see him. I thought he was relatively safe when he was parked by the keg where all could keep an eye on him.

Phred in a bucket.

Well, we did give him a break from the bucket.

Pull tabs and Rumchata shots - gateway activities to living out of a cardboard box on the street

That was when he really got to know the bartender at the VFW. Of course, she'd noticed him in the bucket but they got up close and personal when we did a round of shots and took a bunch of pictures.

A little while later, I got a text from someone who was denying involvement but said I needed to look for Phred. Sure enough, he was no longer in the bucket where he belonged. A search ensued as we all spread out to find him.

The bartender said a tall guy tucked him under his shirt and took him out the front door. I quizzed her, "Guy in black t-shirt? Jason?" She said it wasn't Jason and she knew because she saw Jason at another table at the time.

By process of elimination, we decided it had to be Randy Stoner. The Stoners had left the party so Dawnie messaged them that the jig is up and that we knew they had Phred. Wanda replied with a "we don't have Phred".

At this point, I decided not to get too excited. Everyone was pretty much in the know that I would be peeved if Phred didn't make it home and we had most of the next day to retrieve him. Plenty of time to go over to Stoners' on a search and rescue mission if need be.

We were at brunch the next morning when my phone rang. It was Jason Brown. I said, "Are you calling to tell me you're bringing my parrot back?" He said, "Yeah, I figured I'd better."

Phred returns!
The story was further revealed. Yes, Randy took Phred outside. But, then Wanda decided Phred needed to stay and go to the Iowa State Fair (Best State Fair, Ever! (I'm contractually obligated to say that)) so she put Phred in Jason's truck. So, she wasn't lying when she said they didn't have Phred. Of course, she didn't volunteer that she knew where he was, either.

I gave Phred into the care of Zoey for the rest of the day and made sure he made into my backpack for the trip home. At one stop, Thom asked me, "Are you sure Phred's in your bag?" He was.

Yeah, we're all a little jittery about birdnappers now.

PS This is how Phred got to brunch - by riding in a motorcycle saddlebag!


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