An Arizona Cheesehead's Thoughts

British comedian Dave Gorman receives an email stating that he is a Googlewhack. He allows himself to get distracted from his commissioned novel (of which he’s written nothing at all) and starts following a trail of Googlewhacks around the globe. A Googlewhack are the two words entered into Google that return only one page. There are some rules: the words can’t be in inverted commas, the words must be real (as determined by www.dictionary.com) and the page returned must not be a word list of any kind. Googlewhacks were created by Gary Stock of googlewhack.com . Some examples from the book: Unconstructive Superegos, Grandmaster Sticklebacks and Hippocampi Wallpaper. Gorman is goaded into a bet. He must follow a chain from Googlewhack to Googlewhack by physically meeting the person whose page is found and getting him or her to find two new Googlewhacks for him to follow. His goal is to follow a path of 10 in a row before his next birthday, three months away. Some of the whacks ...

I am 42% Hippie. I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man. Take the Hippie Test @ FualiDotCom Not a surprising result. If anyone needs me, I'll be out hugging a tree then hitting the mall.

We were at the Cub's game on Friday enjoying the National Anthem when a cell phone rang a few rows in front of us. Not only did the woman answer it, she proceeded to give directions to someone on how to get to their seats...rather loudly, I might add. Oh, and she widely waved and jumped up and down a bit while she was at it. Of course, she blithely ignored the grumblings in the crowd and the dirty looks she got after the song ended. What, she couldn't have waited for the song to be over then called back? The caller was already in the stadium, it's not like he/she was going anywhere. And, why would someone even call during the Anthem in the first place? Couldn't he/she have waited two minutes?

Here's a pic Bob took of Ted and me at the Schooner Wharf Bar.

I've had the great pleasure over the years of spending time with a wonderful gentleman named Ted while visting the Schooner Wharf Bar in Key West. Ted was a retired Military man who, despite his walker, kept a trim physique and danced to Michael McCloud. He would stand just inside the entrance to the bar and just enjoy the music and the patrons. The first time we met, Bob Martin chatted him up, told Ted I was Bob's daughter then offered that I would perform sexual favors. Nice. The joke was played out year after year. However, whenever I spoke with Ted, he was the utmost gentleman and just a delight to talk with. The last time I saw him, he told me he had to go home to his Vivian and tell her about those Flamingo women who were fawning all over him before she heard it from someone else. I'll miss him when I go back to Key West in November but I'll make sure we have a team drink in his honor. Here is Ted's obituary from keysnews.com : EDWARD "TED"/...

After the weekend's action, I'm tied for fourth (with three others) and am mathematically out of the running. The best I can finish is in a tie for third but I can end up a lot lower than that. The good news is that I'm kicking Sugar Daddy's butt.

I have to confess that this blogging thing is taking over my life. I'm spending large chunks of time reading an ever expanding list of blogs, following link to link to link, even randomly perusing blogs by hitting the "NEXT BLOG>>" button in the top right of this screen. I blame Crime Dog for getting me to start this blog and reading others and Sugar Daddy (notice, no link-I told him he needs to start his own blog) for talking me into buying a laptop with wireless so I can sit on the couch and browse the Web. It's just so compelling. I can't believe how often some people post. How do they manage to keep their jobs, have a relationship, raise a family? Glenn Reynolds is a perfect example of this. There are people who are all about the political like Dr. Rusty Shackleford with his The Jawa Report . Those are some of the famous ones but there are other, smaller blogs done in the same manner. Every once in while, I stumble upon a blog that's so com...

Here's a prescription for chick lit books: Make your main character a woman in her late 20's, who's employed in the literary (columnist, copy writer) or advertising fields, has lots of cool friends with fabulous jobs (no chronically unemployed, too depressing), lives in a big metropolitan area like NYC, LA, London or Chicago yet manages to constantly run into people she knows, is completely nuerotic, manages to offend her friends and family with her self absorbed behavior and end the story with them somehow all living happily ever after. Write the story in first-person so it's easier to illustrate the insane thought processes of the heroine and you've got a best seller on your hands. Some chick lit authors manage to rise above this formula. Jennifer Weiner comes to mind. The same can't be said for Darcy Cosper and her work, Wedding Season: A Comedy of Manners, Matrimony & 17 Marriages in 6 Months. This formulaic effort's main character is a 29 year...

James Patterson 's latest, co-authored with Howard Roughan, is pretty much what one would expect. Short chapters, lots of action, crime fighting and plot twists. Of the latter, there was really only one that I didn't see coming. The main character is an FBI operative going undercover to investigate a possible serial killer. The hook is that the killer's a hot chick and she appears to be offing her husbands and boyfriends as an investment strategy. Typical Patterson read; enjoyable and done in one night.

I agreed to a Ladies Only Poker night last Saturday. The group had played once before without me and had reported that they were neither serious about, nor experienced with, the game. Being the uber-competitive type that I am, I dialed back my expectations and resigned myself to a certain level of frustration. See, I don't believe in playing a game unless you're playing to win. Sure, there's a period with beginners where you coach and support them but after a certain point, it's sink or swim time. And I am the shark in the waters. Fortunately, there was beer. Here's how it worked. The players were Angela, Chris, Stacey and Beckey. The dealer was Angela's husband, Morgan, whom I am now convinced is a Saint since he put up with us all night (sans alcohol) and even made us dinner. We put in $20 each (which was actually debated since they didn't play for money last time - what the...? It's Poker!). Morgan suggested a Texas Hold 'Em Tourney with cash goin...

After round 2, I'm tied for second (with five others) but I lost another Final Four in Wake. Mathematically, I'm still alive but it's looking grim.

I went to Albertson's tonight to buy two bags of Caesar Salad and a six pack of beer. The cashier said, "Could I see your ID?" and my reply was, "You just made my day!" She did chuckle when she checked the date on my license. Man, I live for these moments and I can't imagine how bummed I'll be when they stop. But, until they stop, I'll rub them in to everyone I can.

After round one, I'm tied for third. BUT, I picked Kansas to go to the final four so I'm screwed. Damn Catamounts!

I am 15% White Trash. I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box. Take the White Trash Test @ FualiDotCom I have drunk wine from a box though I've never bought any that way.

This will come as a surprise to those who know me, but I have become an admitted rule breaker. Gasp! I know, it’s hard to believe coming from someone who won’t put the car in gear if her passenger isn’t belted in and who still feels guilty from booking a condo for four people then sneaking in two more just to get a lower rate (that was two years ago! ). I can only imagine how I would be if I hadn’t escaped Catholic school after only three years… A few weeks ago, three of my buddies and I hit a spring training game. I had to stop for the cursory purse exam and wouldn’t you know, my pocket knife was exposed for all of the world to see (or at least for the door goon). He told me I couldn’t take it in. Sigh. I’ve carried it into so many events without even thinking about it and I’ve not knifed anyone yet so it was a tad frustrating. Since the boys had no purses (not even man purses), they were already in the game. I called one of them, who quickly handed me over to another so I co...

My friend Chris and I agreed to meet at Rosie McCaffrey's (a really cool Irish bar in Central Phoenix) tonight at 6. I headed over and found that parking was only available three blocks away and there was a multitude (like a gazillion) of people streaming towards the bar. The Old (hmmm, let's change that to Previous) Kathy would have thought, "Cool! Lots of people means lots of boys to flirt with." The Current Kathy, however, said "Hell no, that's too many damn people." I was on the phone in less than a minute to Chris and said "I don't think I'm up to this." I just can't deal with loud, crowded places anymore - it just bugs me. I don't think I'm entirely old, however, because I didn't just give up and go home. We ended up with a new plan and headed to The Monastery and spent a nice evening there. We left at a reasonable time because it is Amateur Night where all of the non-professional drinkers go hog wild, the dumb ass...

Hubba Hubba

First up in the book club's year of classics was Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. The short review: we dug it. The first chapter or two is nearly identical to the BBC version (starring Colin "Hubba Hubba" Firth) and I had trouble separating the book from the movie. As I read further, however, there was more subtext in the book that made that a little easier. (Not that I mind thinking about Colin. Ever.) The social mores of England in the early 1800s are just so foreign to life today. Here are some of the things we found that were nearly unfathomable to us: Married couples referring to each other formally, like Mr. Bennet and Mrs. Bennet - no first names ever used. Same goes with brothers, sisters, engaged folk... Tradesmen looked on as second class citizens (despite having more money than the "Gentlemen"). Single men and women never left alone together yet somehow managing to fall deeply in love. An entire family socially ruined by one daughter running o...

Check out the Michael Jackson article from The Onion . It's a hoot!

I am 27% Idiot. I ain't too bright. But all those other idiots annoy the hell out of me. I may not be the brightest bulb in the bunch, but at least I know my limits. Take the Idiot Test @ FualiDotCom Got this from Beth . I'm getting lots of good stuff from the Texas people...but I still haven't acquired the urge to get a gun.

I was madly studying for my NCAA Tourney picks last night on my end of the couch while Sugar Daddy was watching American Idol on his end. My mutterings ("How far should I take Utah?", "Is Illinois that good?", etc.) were driving him crazy (this is a common series of events at our house, btw). He asked me if it was an online thing and if it cost any money to play. I said yes and no and the challenge was made. He declared, "I'm going to sign up and I guarantee I will do better than you." Them's fightin' words! I sent him the info to sign up but I'm not worried. First, it takes a small amount of effort to put your picks in and he's inherently lazy. This is the man who at work yesterday wanted someone to go downstairs and get him a soda out of the machine because it was too much effort to do himself. So, I'm banking he won't even sign up. Second, he knows pretty much nothing about how the tournament works, who the teams are,...

My pal, Paula, sent me this link to The Smoking Gun . Apparently, it's Jimmy Buffett's Backstage Rider and, I gotta tell you, I'll never have it that good in my lifetime! Here's the Corona beer distribution (Corona sends them 30 cases for each show): 2 CASES OF CORONAS ICED DOWN IN DRESSING ROOM "A" 2 CASES OF CORONITAS ICED DOWN IN DRESSING ROOM "A" 2 CASES OF NEGRO MODELO ICED DOWN IN DRESSING ROOM "A" 1 CASE PACK OF CORONITAS ICED DOWN IN DRESSING ROOM "B" (Jimmy's) 1 CASE OF CORONAS ICED DOWN IN DRESSING ROOM "C" 2 SIX PACKS OF CORONA EXTRA ICED DOWN FOR THE STAGE AT SHOW TIME 4 CASES OF CORONITAS MUST NOT BE ICED DOWN, AND MUST BE HELD IN CARTONS FOR THE BUSES 1 CASE OF THE CORONITAS NOT ICED, AND THE CARTONS MUST BE IN THE PRODUCTION OFFICE 1 CASE OF NEGRO MODELO NOT ICED DOWN AND THE CARTONS MUST BE IN THE PRODUCTION OFFICE THE REMAINING CASES MUST BE HELD FOR HOSPITALITY There are also specs for wine, Bud, ...

We're doing a Yahoo! Tourney for the NCAA Men's bracket in the AZ Parrot Head Club and man, do I want to score in at least the top 5. Why I even think that's possible is pretty silly, considering I've seen parts of about 4 college games this year. But, I'm doing my research (got The Arizona Republic's write-up and USA Today's special section and scoping all of the opinions online I can find) and I have a few tourney pick tricks (like not taking Arizona past the third round and you better not steal that from me) that have been successful in the past. Well, that's defining successful rather loosely since I've never won one of these pools and I'm usually out of the running by the round of 8. I'm sure I can hit the top 5 though, especially after coming off my second place win the Phootball league. So what if it's an entirely different sport and contest, I'm on a roll!

In no particular order... What's a Guy Gotta Do (To Get a Girl in this Town) Joe Nichols (man, he's a hottie) Trying to Find Atlantis Jamie O'Neal I May Hate Myself in the Morning Lee Ann Womack Nothin' to Lose Josh Gracin Gone Montgomery Gentry

Check out these photos from Urban Legends.

Continuing on my latest quest to be a fancy pants intellectual, I attended The Downtown Chamber Series performance on Saturday night at Modified Arts. The performers were Nokuthula Ngwenyama (that's easy for you to say, and just so you know, she's a woman) on viola and violin and Michael Long on guitar. In the first half, they performed Renaissance songs for viola and guitar together, Long did two pieces for guitar that were written by Galileo's (he of astronomy fame) Father and Ngwenyama did an AWESOME piece on violin called Paganiniana by Nathan Milstein. After a short intermission (with free wine!), they performed a shortened version of CHE! A Musical Biography on the viola and guitar. We were all thrilled we went, it was just that cool. The venue, Modified Arts , is an art gallery on Roosevelt and 4th St in Phoenix (scary neighborhood but we had no problems) and, while rustic (think creaky wood floors and exposed walls), it made for a nice, intimate setting for the p...

Went to dinner at My Florist Cafe on Saturday night. It's a trendy little spot in a kinda crappy downtown Phoenix area (530 W McDowell Rd) but it's cute and popular. They have half-price bottles of wine with dinner which was tempting but we decided on Kiltlifters instead. The food was good (fancyish) and the desserts were excellent. Wish I could say the same for the service. This is not very PC of me, but I think we had the only straight waiter in the place and he was just plain bad. Always go with the gay waiter if you can. Stacey flashed me much boobage during the meal. No matter how many times I tell her I'm not into girls, she keeps trying...so I got that going for me.

I first discovered Bernard Cornwell a few years back when I picked up his book Stonehenge, 2000 B.C.: A Novel. That was a great piece of historical fiction on the building of Stonehenge and was filled with plenty of sex, violence and magic as well as some memorable characters. He does a great job of weaving his fictional characters in and out of the exploits of historical figures and he clearly does a lot of homework because there's a lot of cool facts in his books. Cornwell's latest, The Last Kingdom , is the tale of the fictional Uhtred, in the late 800s as the Danes are invading what is now England. Uhtred is captured by the Danes as a young boy, is raised as one of them but eventually fights against them under the command of King Alfred the Great. Great story...the only bummer is I got to the end and realized I'll have to wait for the next book for the story to continue. Big thumbs up on this one and, if you're interested in historical fiction, I'd recomme...

My buddy Ted gave me some disturbing news tonight. He said The Monastery (the 28th and Indian School location) has sold its land and will be closing this summer. What a drag. I love that place and it's a great location for our club meetings because of its central location. Sigh. Another cool place will bite the dust.

My friend, Norene, called me today to say that Chris LeDoux , one of our favorite performers, passed away today from liver cancer at the age of 56. I feel lucky I got to see him in Tucson with Norene a while back. His show was great and he was a very vibrant performer (as well as majorly cute for an old guy). Bummer - he was much too young...

This is a short linguistic test called Yankee or Dixie? I got this from El Capitan at Baboon Pirates who got it from The Smallest Minority . My results: 38% (Yankee). A definitive Yankee. You can take the girl out of Wisconsin but apparently you can't take the Yankee out of the girl. (Which sounds kinda dirty.)

Let me recount my experience at Subway today: Me: "I'd like a 12 inch turkey on wheat, no cheese, please." SE (Subway Employee in fractured English): "Did you want that on wheat?" Me: "Yes." SE: "Six inch or one foot?" Me: "One foot." She then started to put tuna on it. Me: "No, I wanted turkey, not tuna." She started over with a new piece of bread. SE: "Do you want cheese on that?" I believe it's an English as a Second Language issue and not indicative of Subway employees' intelligence. The other woman there (native English speaker) has no trouble with my order. It's not just Subway, either. Try any fast food place (or Wal-Mart or Target or Sears...) and you can have a similar experience. I empathize with the employers - they need employees and, at those wages, the pickings are slim. And, I appreciate that the employees are doing their best. But, come on! How much business do they lose when frustrate...

It all went according to plan for the most part. In early to work on Friday and finished up a project I was working on. Four of us 'snuck' out to the ballpark to watch the Angels and Brewers. We weren't incognito for long as we ran into our Purchasing Department there for a "Team Building" event. I have no idea who won the game as we were socializing too much to care. Turned down an offer to go to the topless bar with some of the boys and made a side trip to McDuffy's before hitting Bahama Breeze. Had an hour to kill before my friends got there so I chugged three glasses of water and two diet cokes while nursing a beer. Had a nice dinner and a great Parrot Grande (our club's annual fundraising weekend) planning meeting. It was nice to see a lot of non-BOD members there. Got home around 10 and hit the hay. 5:30 AM alarm on Saturday. Ran into the residue of an accident on the 101 so didn't make it to Phoenix College for the Special Olympics until 8 but I...

I said to Sugar Daddy tonight on the way home, "I am so stressed out about this weekend. I have no free time." As expected, I got no sympathy as his response was "You only have yourself to blame." He's right, the rat bastard, and I hate when that happens. Here's what I have going on. Friday morning: Early in to work because... Friday afternoon: Spring training game at Phoenix Muni. Friday evening: Dinner with a friend then a club event planning meeting. Saturday morning: Phoenix College by 7:30 to work the Special Olympics. Saturday afternoon: Spring training game (Go Cubs!) in Mesa. Saturday night: Downtown Phoenix for a Suns game. Sunday morning: Sky Harbor to pick up Kelly for... Sunday afternoon/evening: House concert in Ahwatukee. Sunday night: Crash and wonder where the weekend went. Not that every weekend is this busy (though my Dad would disagree) but there were even more possible activities. I'm missing my company picnic and a frien...

Sugar Daddy reminded me of a Geek Test we took some time back. I have to tell you, I work with a some REALLY big Geeks (they were all disappointed their scores weren't higher. Take the test and see where you stand. I fell under "Casual Geek" with a score of 370 and Sugar Daddy had 605, "True Geek".