I've been overweight since birth. No lie, I was a 9 pound plus baby. I've dealt with the discomfort, the mocking, the health hazards, the lack of cool clothing and the cringing at pictures my entire life.
About 20 years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight on what I call the "depression" diet. I got treated very poorly (not that I was perfect) and my heart broken and I just couldn't find it in myself to eat. I'd heat up a Healthy Choice dinner and barely put down half of it. I didn't even want to drink alcohol. Those were the days!
However, I found the will and desire for food and drink on the road to recovery. As the years went by I fell into a pattern of gaining ten pounds each year for several years then diet down part of it (never all) then go back to gaining again. Eventually, I hit my peak high weight and settled in. For several years, I lost and gained about the same 8-10 pounds but the key to that story is that I always gained them back.
We have a small gym at our office. I often walk through on my way from the parking lot to meetings in that building. It looks nice.
We also have a big room dedicated to things like Zumba and Yoga and, well, I don't know what else because there's literally no reason for me to go there.
Although, I do actually know one other thing they do in the big room and that's hold Spin Classes. I know because my friend Michelle leads some of them and has been trying to get me to take one with her. When her direct efforts weren't paying off, she got my friend Steve to start suggesting it.
Have to give it to them, they tried with lots of enticements. "It's fun!" "It's dark so no one can see if you need to take a rest." "It won't be bad, I swear!" "You can do it with us and your other friends; it will just be a little party." "It's in the afternoon so you can go home right afterwards so no one will see you."
Tomorrow will be one year since we lost my Mom. For the most part, we’ve settled into our “new normal” but not without some painful moments along the way.
Not only are there random thoughts that bring the tears and/or sorrow, there are things I see that can trigger them as well. Putting on a piece of my Mom’s jewelry, spotting one of the crime dramas she incessantly watched and finding a salad dressing years past its expiration date (so my Mom) are just some of the triggers.
Shutterfly and Facebook with their “Your memories from X years ago” are also a constant threat to my composure. It’s nice because the moments were happy but not as nice when you realize that you won’t be creating new moments.
I know the sadness from those moments is a testament to the quality of the person my Mom was and those moments are going to continue to happen. However, some moments won’t be repeated as they’re part of what I call the “Year of Firsts”.