Exceptionally Flexible
We're undergoing our annual health tests at work. You get a lower rate on your health insurance if you participate but the incentive for me is to get some free tests done. When you come from a family with diabetes and high blood pressure, it's good to keep an eye on some of those indicators.
They test cholesterol, triglyceride, glucose, blood pressure, pulse rate and body fat percentage.
I am one of those people whose results,for the most part, do not in any match their appearance. My cholesterol (total, good and bad) is awesome. Did you know that drinking beer raises your good cholesterol? Now, I'm not a Doctor, nor have I played one on TV, but that's a pretty good medical tip there, if you ask me. I also have low blood pressure which is surprising since I am Shorty's child and a Type A freak. My Mom's got diabetes but my glucose is really low.
The body fat percentage is the only one that matches up. I like to use that old saw, "I'm in shape and that shape is round." However, they switched from using caliper measurements to having us just stand on a turbo-charged scale to get our percentage. It's consistently giving people counts 4 to 7% higher than reality. That is making the long distance runners in our group who value their single digit body fat very unhappy. The Freaks. Me? I just ignored like I do every year.
The fitness test we used to do was a step test. Basically, you stepped up and down for an eternity and they noted how long you could go, what your pulse rate got to and how long it took to return to normal.
It was an optional test and I always passed for several reasons. First, I am a complete klutz with a history of 'stair' incidents. The last thing I need is another sprained ankle. Second, I don't need a test to tell me I am totally unfit. Helloooo? I can tell that just by looking in the mirror! Finally, you tend to get sweaty with this test and I have consistently been on record saying that Princesses don't sweat.
This year, we had a new fitness test. It was a flexibility test that involved sitting on the floor with your back against a wall and reaching forward with your arms to push a metal bar as far away from you as you can.
I was just on the edge of "Exceptionally" flexible. Yep, those skinny folks were lucky to make it to "Good". This will be the only time I can claim any sort of fitness superiority and I'm going to enjoy the moment fully. They were jealous of my "Exceptionalness", too.
Jealous until it turned into a lewd joke in our department birthday party this month. Combine the question, "Did you know that Kathy's exceptionally flexible?" with the fact that we were serving a tart and you can imagine how the conversation went downhill from there. Funny thing is, I really couldn't deny any of it.
And, yet, I'm still single.
They test cholesterol, triglyceride, glucose, blood pressure, pulse rate and body fat percentage.
I am one of those people whose results,for the most part, do not in any match their appearance. My cholesterol (total, good and bad) is awesome. Did you know that drinking beer raises your good cholesterol? Now, I'm not a Doctor, nor have I played one on TV, but that's a pretty good medical tip there, if you ask me. I also have low blood pressure which is surprising since I am Shorty's child and a Type A freak. My Mom's got diabetes but my glucose is really low.
The body fat percentage is the only one that matches up. I like to use that old saw, "I'm in shape and that shape is round." However, they switched from using caliper measurements to having us just stand on a turbo-charged scale to get our percentage. It's consistently giving people counts 4 to 7% higher than reality. That is making the long distance runners in our group who value their single digit body fat very unhappy. The Freaks. Me? I just ignored like I do every year.
The fitness test we used to do was a step test. Basically, you stepped up and down for an eternity and they noted how long you could go, what your pulse rate got to and how long it took to return to normal.
It was an optional test and I always passed for several reasons. First, I am a complete klutz with a history of 'stair' incidents. The last thing I need is another sprained ankle. Second, I don't need a test to tell me I am totally unfit. Helloooo? I can tell that just by looking in the mirror! Finally, you tend to get sweaty with this test and I have consistently been on record saying that Princesses don't sweat.
This year, we had a new fitness test. It was a flexibility test that involved sitting on the floor with your back against a wall and reaching forward with your arms to push a metal bar as far away from you as you can.
I was just on the edge of "Exceptionally" flexible. Yep, those skinny folks were lucky to make it to "Good". This will be the only time I can claim any sort of fitness superiority and I'm going to enjoy the moment fully. They were jealous of my "Exceptionalness", too.
Jealous until it turned into a lewd joke in our department birthday party this month. Combine the question, "Did you know that Kathy's exceptionally flexible?" with the fact that we were serving a tart and you can imagine how the conversation went downhill from there. Funny thing is, I really couldn't deny any of it.
And, yet, I'm still single.
