The Fictional Donald Story

This is a story about Fictional Donald. Yes, that's his official name because I declared it to be so.

We have to start the story many years ago. My friend Russ would tell me how I needed to meet his old college buddy, Donald, because we would totally hit it off. My response was always, "So, when is Donald coming out to visit?" Because, allegedly, Donald lived in Texas. I say allegedly because Russ would say, "Oh, he's coming this year." And, the year would pass with no signs of Donald.

I began to have my doubts about this Donald dude so I started referring to him as Fictional Donald. Russ did his best to convince me he was real. He showed me old school pictures, tried to call Fictional Donald from Mexico one year (alcohol was involved) and finally got a hold of him one New Year's Eve.

We were at Crime Dog and Vivian's house when Russ handed me the phone and said, "This is Donald." I said into the phone, "So, you're some guy that Russ is paying to pretend to be Donald?" He assured me he was, indeed, Donald, and we talked for a few minutes. I was laughing the whole time because I refused to acknowledge he was a real Donald. Or, the real Donald, however you want to look at it.

The funny thing is, as I recall, we were already connected. There's a parrot head site (Facebook like) called Meet The Phlockers. Tkay told me Fictional Donald was on there so we connected. I maintained that Russ created the profile and there was still no Donald.  A while after that we became Facebook friends but I still said he was a fake.

We're now up to last year in the story. It was Russ' 50th birthday and Tkay was throwing him a party. Unfortunately, the party was on the same night as the Arizona Parrot Head Club's holiday party and, as outgoing President, I felt obligated to be there.

However, Fictional Donald was scheduled to fly in on Friday (the party was Saturday) so I took off early from work and drove down. I was waiting outside Tkay's house when she got back from the airport with FD. As I walked up the driveway, he noticed me and said "I know this girl!" (Or, something like that, it was a year ago.)

Together at last

Russ was right, we totally hit it off. We picked on each other the whole night. ;-) Russ' cousin was also in town for the birthday bash so the five us headed to Fourth Avenue in Tucson for their big arts festival. Well, mostly for beers. We then headed back to Russ and Tkay's house for dinner with Russ' Mom and Aunt. Then, it was time for more beers. The whole evening I still called him Fictional Donald, though. I am stubborn.

Tired Boy
We hung out by the firepit in the backyard. Poor, FD. He was working third shift at the time and hadn't slept for something like 36 hours. Being the unkind person that I am, I had to capture the moment. This was actually a prominent picture on his Facebook page for a while before he figured out how to remove the tag.

I headed back up to Phoenix the next day but our connection didn't stop. FD called me on Saturday night after both of our parties to prove he could stay up late. That was the first of many late night conversations. I'm a night owl and he didn't have a lot to keep him occupied at work so we would talk a lot. For a while, I was logging over 200 minutes a month to Houston.

I tried to figure out when we could hang out in person next and decided that Riddles in the Sand, a parrot head event in Galveston Bay, would be ideal. Tkay was in but I had to convince Russ. I waited until he was really toasted after a party then threw the idea out there. It stuck though I had to reinforce it with an executive decision ("I made the hotel reservations, we're going.").

Slivo Shots at Donald's House
So, Russ, Tkay and I headed to Texas where FD picked us up from the airport and we spent the first night at his house. He showed me all of his IDs. Driver's license, passport, fake passport and even an old school ID. I decided that he was the real Donald but I just couldn't drop the Fictional Donald name.

By this point, most of my peeps knew the Fictional Donald story. What they didn't know was that he decided to come out for Labor Day weekend and our Parrot Grande event. I manually slipped his name on to the registration list where it took one day for both the Treasurer and the PG Co-Chair to notice. 

Everyone has the option to put their nickname on their PG badge. FD did not have that option. I put down Fictional Donald, of course. 

There was a great amount of surprise when Russ and Tkay showed up with FD in tow. It was no surprise, however, that FD fit right in. I'm not even sure how many Facebook friends he made before the weekend was over but he was universally adored.

Our Chippendales
He even came in costume! The theme was Saturday Night Live and he was ready. We all had a great time and he partied with people all over the resort. For weeks afterwards, I heard about how much fun he was.

Why do I tell the tale now? Well, we're having our holiday party on Saturday and FD teased me by saying he might come out for it. Then, I saw an article in the paper today about the Fourth Avenue arts festival in Tucson this weekend.

He's not coming and it makes me sad. But, I'm enjoying reliving the memories of last year and the fun we had. And, I've no doubt that we have more fun to come.


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